Blog, the Decompression Chamber.

 Suddenly finding myself wanting to sit down and write. I feel like recently people have been talking to me just a bit too much every waking hour that I don't really have enough time for myself and my thoughts to really simmer and just.... you know, be one with it or something.

I feel a bit pent up and cooped up mentally, and even a short break of a day away from family hasn't been sufficient enough for me to really recover. I'm hoping brain dumping like this by myself in a space where people are unlikely to bother me will yield better results.

I understand that my family wants me, they need me, I'm useful, my daughter lover me and wants to spend time with me etc, but man... I don't feel very well built for this kind of interaction. between family and parents and Wilson, I find myself lacking enough space to think for myself and to really... idk unpack? decompress? maybe decompress is a good work right now, coz I am feeling quite a bit high pressurised between expecting a new family member soon and just worrying about life and finances etc.

I mean when I can't even pull 32k steady it just puts me in a very difficult position. I'm very tempted to drop that amount to something like 27 or 28, at least not having the 3 up front makes it easier for my peers over in SEA to swallow.

Ah... I don't know. honestly said, I don't even know how Christine can operate the way she does hahaha. I know that each and every one of us is different, but I really do feel like someone who needs silence and alone time way more than the next man.

I mean, I guess it's been a bit extra stressful as well knowing that my repairs thus far have been mostly bust, and I've just been losing a lot of motivation and confidence in all the things that I know I'm usually good at and enjoy. 

I guess I'm kinda second guessing myself in that sense.

You should know as well that alcohol intake during this period has increased substantially; not proud of it, but it does provide a nice temporary respite from... well, I guess myself... and the noise.

Kinda feels like tomorrow when I wake up the status quo will continue, but at least I'm trying right? At least I'm trying to just make it from day to day without just.... collapsing and imploding on myself.