I haven’t really written in in a while. It’s been more than a while actually since I last wrote in. I can vaguely remember what the last post was when I posted it in, but I can’t really remember when I did it, probably like a month ago or something. I pretty much stopped writing for a while after that day, and I have my reasons behind it, and part and parcel is about self discovery in terms of feelings and what and why I do the things. Alongside that, I also learnt more than a few more things about myself, in that blog posting really did help me to clear my mind and be a lot more productive, as I had a tendency to write down all my problems on here, in a way that I knew how to tackle them.
What does this hiatus bring to me then? Well, I suppose it’s not that surprising to me, but even though this time, I still have feelings for Tze Ni. Obviously, it’s one thing to take down photos of her in my room and any memorabilia and have it hidden and such, or kept, but feelings don’t just disappear like that, as I suspected anyway. The idea then is that a lot of what I do has been somewhat confirmed to me as being done because I love her, and yeah, I do. I still don’t change my stance on this, and I have no problems being out of the loop with her, because hey, I’ve done all that I could, and the rest is up to her anyway, and to that point, I don’t really care what she decides, as long as she’s happy with her life. Just don’t regret the choices that you make I suppose.
A lot of things have been happening since then, in that my spare room in my house has now been occupied by Chad. He’s not really paying rent, but it’s okay, he seems to more than do his part in taking care of the place and upkeep, though I’ll probably have to move out by next year. They’re increasing the rent by too much, and I can’t afford to upkeep it, and upkeep it alone as well. I’ll most likely have to move in with Gregg by next year but that’s something that will happen then.
Pulling it earlier, I have to get my visa business sorted out by this week, or next the latest. My student visa expires by the end of this month and I have to either get my PR by then or a graduates visa in order to continue to stay in this country. Sure, in the end I do intend to go back to Malaysia (Totally not for her now, and I’m being absolutely serious, rather for myself and for the family), but for now, it’s nice to have even that little bit of experience and you know, knowledge in games development. I haven’t really been playing that much these days, but it doesn’t really bother me anyway. I enjoy making games more than I do playing them.
I guess what I’m hoping out of blog writing this time around is to sort my mind out a little bit more. It’s a bit more than cloudy at the moment, and I think that I could really benefit from a long hot shower, but hey, I’ll write something in now, and I’ll write in more often as the days go by. I need it, and it’s helpful so yeah.
The difference between my usual posts then and the upcoming ones is that I’ll have a near zero to none focus on Tze Ni, as really… hmmm… I don’t care. Well, not that I don’t care fully per se, but it doesn’t really concern me at this point, and I think that’s more than true enough to my situation right now.
What I really need is to clean myself up, and get my act together, get my shit in place, and get my whole life moving again, where I don’t waste too much time doing the unneeded, and arm myself with unprecedented focus and goals. With that, I bid you adieu and farewell for now, I’ll probably write in later when I’m feeling a little more refreshed.
Time for a shower then a hot cup of tea, then sorting my life out. It needs it.
hamster off and out.
