Dear heart

Why do i feel so sad now. Really. Why do i. I already told myself that it wouldn't be good to have anything going on between us and i already knew that much. I knew we could never quite be together unless we went through some major hardships. I knew. I accepted the fact that it would never happen. Yet why. WHY HAVE YOU GONE AND MAKE ME FEEL SO GOD DAMNED SAD AT THIS MOMENT. I should've accepted this kind of thing. I should've.

It would've never worked out yet i lose sleep over what could've been. I lose sleep and my mind and dreams are plagued of her at every minute. We feel mutual yet why has this happened to me. I don't know what i want anymore. I don't trust my head as much as i trust my heart anymore. Too many times has my head lied to me only for me to find out later on.

There is nothing i can do, there is nothing i can do. I'm losing my mind. I know that she wants it but the fact that they're going ahead with such a thing just because of that burns me up... I feel that i can't accept it... no. Why. I can't even meet her because she's afraid she might change her mind at the last moment... That my presence there beside her will make her hesitate... Its for her future's sake i know that too, and its good for the young one but i can't accept it. It still burns within me so horribly.

Every word that we speak now has turned instead into a hammer ever slamming the nail into me, from what used to be words of comfort and a place of retreat. Maybe i'm to blame to. Maybe if i would've noticed her feelings sooner. No, it wouldn't have worked too. Theres that and as much as i know that even i can destroy that given time, there is still that fact that she would be with another instead and she wouldn't want to break off i guess just because i was there... I can't even do that now. Its too late. Its too late. Its too late. I can't do that now. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.

Please someone put me out of my misery.

The small elf~

Just to irritate the small tihng XD

the extended family

The small one was running around that i couldn't really get a pic of her >_>

Ching Chong China Man

I'm deciding to do some offline blogging while i'm in the bus xD yeah, i'm in a bus now headed from Hang Zhou (is that how its spelt? o.o) to Shanghai...

I guesss its easy to say that the trip wasn't so much as friendly because i had chicken pox days before getting here o.o. Yes, i have chicken pox, though not fully blown like others.. apparently coz my resistance is high. Still, no thanks to my brother. *Shakes Fist*

Went to the doc this morning and yeah, it was confirmed that i had chicken pox ^^"... oh and that the doc's daughter was staring at me XD my mom and bro noticed it too. She was pretty cute too :3. ok beyond the point, moving on XD after that, went on to the flight and it was somewhat the longest 5 hours ever o.o probably coz i was burning up with a fever or something and it was horrible here's to me for not bringing the prescription panadol with me lol

Naturally, the health customs caught me o.o they're like.... D: your temp is 37.8 celcius!~ and possibly thought that it was sars or something >_> my cousin explained it and he let us go because it was plane sickness... which it is.... kinda. So now i'm in a bus o.o oh yeah i said that already XD did i mention that the driver is like High beam high? if that makes any sense... he enjoys weaving in and out of traffic too >_> lol strange man also went to the toll, took a ticket, U-TURNED, went back to the toll and took another ticket and headed the direction we came from o.o weird weird. Well anyway, time now is 11:53pm. I'm probably gonna post some pics post china with this post : D because i forgot to o.o

Jyana~

ADD-IT: The driver decided to play it safe in the end after the visibility went down to like... 5 m away o.o

NAR USB

I will get you my love... and oh, new USB drive to replace my 5 year old Sandisk Micro Cruser :D what not better than another sandisk XD

Doggies and christmas trees!

Messing around in Mid Valley, taking pics as i go XD and not to mention food gardens... and btw i love vochelle choc o.o Then its photos of a new headphone and the doggy XD her name is tina :D














lol-muxed.mp4

Lancar!

Meow! More pics! Lancer Evo, some random cute buns which i saw in
Bandar Utama, Cool Christmas trees and some family photos with food XD