Steven Quarre & Morris Mavada Feat. Stanford - The Reason

Funky songs you come across listening to house music :3 here's the chorus since i can't catch the rest xD

Hed Kandi - A Taste of Winter 2010

Steven Quarre & Morris Mavada Feat. Stanford - The Reason

I could run a thousand miles to be with you

Watch the sunrise in your eyes

You came into my life

And made my life worth living

I would jump and touch the sky or learn to fly, 

Your love has got me high

Baby you're the reason that i'm breathing~

hehe. Yep, that is all. Now back to doing work XD

Synthetic

The hamster fears the unwanted evolution. The unwanted change. The
change of feeling. The connection that feels forced, the bond that
feels synthetic. Ties that hold under memories that was, life lived in
that pretense. Its not of himself that the fear is of but of the other
however. What will happen then. Worry engulfs me. Am I worrying too
much. Though I fear that once we've met once again, things will not be
the same, a change I can't say is for the better.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Back from Adelaide

Yeah, back from Adelaide, and just felt in the mood to post something up in my blog i guess... I can't really say i did enjoy Adelaide, it was just more concentrated time for me to focus on what troubles me and what it is.... nothing much other than that... In a way i came back a bit more depressed even though it was supposed to be a holiday from it all.

For starters lets talk about futures, particularly careers. At the moment, i'm an international student in Australia, and ever since i left games graphics programming, i'm considered a bachelor of arts now... What does this mean? future careers for me won't employ designers which are fresh out of uni... they prefer and possibly only hire people who have been in the industry before and as such, employment for me in that field will be difficult no less. Thats why i'm planning to at least take up a small course in programming and IT as well, something that can prove my skills in programming i suppose. what this means is that i can go into the company as a programmer and that should give me a better chance at things. Especially employment.

If that was all then i guess i'd be fine, another thing is that i have to come to a realisation that Australia just may not have enough big studios for me. I mentioned it before, but i guess i'm taking UK employment a bit more serious now, in fact, my current plan is to get my PR in Australia and then get a job in UK, mostly because they have more studios there. I would be lying i guess if i said that my girlfriend possibly being there in the future didn't affect this decision, but i guess primarily it would be because i'm worried about future jobs and careers and the like.

Coming onto that, i am worried about my relation with my girlfriend as well. How deep are we in this? Is it deep enough? is it strong enough? how far are you willing to go for that significant other, what kind of sacrifices are you willing to make just to be with that one person? I know my answers, but i'm waiting for hers in a way. I guess thats what is making me worry in a way. Maybe i'm taking this relationship too seriously, even more seriously than she is. IDK, IDK... I just don't want to think anymore, and even holiday escapes now don't seem to be helping my mind sort out...

This seriously sucks...

heh.

Well, here i am again blog o.o semi riled up, kinda frustrated with no real... way to vent it. Things haven't been going according to how i would've loved them to go for me. Naturally i'm feeling a lot of anger pent up, a lot of frustration, and i don't think i have a good place to vent it all, neither do i think i want to vent it all. Its aimless, pointless and... just... i don't think it'll help thats all. I'm not happy with the way my life is going. I'd love to say i'd rough it out all over again, but everything around me seems to be crumbling down that i myself feel like its happening to me. I'm taking minimal amount of joy in doing the little things that make me happy and keep my spirit and hopes high but its not working very well at all. This environment and this lifestyle i am in is depressing. Dear god, it honestly is extremely depressing.

I need out of this. I want to rip my body open as if i were trapped in some sort of confining shell holding me back, but this is the truth of the position i am in, and its who i am. Words only get you so far, actions do the rest. I haven't found motivation enough to drive my actions....

Say blog, where did my younger years go? Not saying that i miss my childhood or what not, but back in the day when i would work tirelessly for perfection, i would take pride in what i do, i pride myself for being a good student, attending every class and being on somewhat like an honour roll, doing every assignment before they're due... I feel like i'm slipping slowly from what i used to be, into this depressing self that i am in now. Feasting off the physical things and benefits in life to keep me happy or distracted for those few minutes if i can. I don't know how it came to this. I feel epicly saddenned looking at my current state of self. Where did i go. Where is my usual self. Funny how i feel like breaking down this very moment, i feel like my mindset at the moment is like a fragile piece ready to break any moment.

In all honesty then i don't feel like a lot of people around me have been supportive to my case. In fact, even if they were, I don't know how anyone could help me except myself, yet i don't know where to go. I don't want a holiday, i don't want escape from all this work and study life, i just want the old me back. I just do. Not to mention i have people pushing me at every corner, with expectations of me and though i don't really and usually succumb to peer pressure, its really bringing me down now. Even my hamster may not realise this but... i guess its kinda contributing to it. Still, i try to be happy and smile and laugh about the things i can before i realise i have to snap back to reality and begin feeling this self pity and disgust all over again. Its not that easy to climb out of this mental state, its not something that can be fixed at the snap of a finger. 

I feel like i'm going to loose everything. I'm going to and i know it. Then i'll be left with nothing left and will be just sitting there in a state of emptiness, with my whole self just broken, torn and one the floor in pieces. How. How did my life get to this. When did i start losing myself. When did i stop feeling happy with myself. When did i stop.

You tell me. I'm losing my mind here though many may not know or realise it. Where the hell am i. Who the hell am i. Where did i go...

I could go on for pages about this, but i don't think i will neither should i. I'll return to holding self disgust and hatred towards myself.

Thoughts at the moment.

Random posting. Just feel like it therefore i will. For starters, I love my girlfriend. Yes, random, but i do. I love her so much and even being this far away from her she still makes me a very happy person. Blessed to have her in my life :D

Onto the next agenda. Discipline. I lack it severely. I honestly do. I guess i'm under the slight hopes that if i post this something miraculous will happen and i'll change or... something. I doubt so but i'm still hopeful. I need to get my shit together. At this age, this is somewhat unforgivable. I can't go on like this, and i feel frustrated on the inside, yet why do i always feel like i'm powerless to change it or like i'm hoping for me to change overnight? I know well enough that that won't happen but why do i still remain the same. I don't do my work early, and this severely impacts the quality of the work i produce. I have the potential, and when i do these assignments, i realise this myself, yet my lack of discipline destroys it all.

I have to think of a way to stop this. Something. Something .... Anything.... I'll start experimenting. I want change. I'll work towards change. Somehow...

And yes, still loving my girlfriend. I have no idea how she puts up with me but i'm thankful for it. love you baby.