Family. =_=

I find myself really needing to write as of late. A lot of things have been irritating me left and right, to the point where I wonder if I’m getting more and more easily irritable or is it just the surroundings that I’m in right now that is causing this to happen.

Case in point as well right now with my mom in my room, and she really has nothing good to say. I’m glad that I started my own company after so many years, but she always just talks about giving it up and working for someone else or just changing jobs if I’m not “making enough money”. This irritates me a lot. This really does.

This gets on my nerves a fuckload because this is part of my dream of what I want to do, and it doesn’t even take a fucking year or 6 months into it for her to tell me to give up on it and do something else. It’s so fucking new that she can’t even tell anything right now and all that she has is just negativity for me. It annoys me so fucking much because it’s just belittling. It’s her always coming in and thinking that she knows best when she knows fucking nothing at all and it irritates the fuck out of me.

EVERY COMPANY IN THE STARTING HAS A BURN RATE. YOU WILL BURN MONEY IN THE BEGINNING BEFORE YOU’LL REALLY END UP MAKING MONEY. THE POINT IS THAT YOU BURN THAT MONEY WISELY IN BUILDING SOMETHING EVEN BETTER AND BIGGER THAT WILL EARN YOU MORE. She just doesn’t seem to like it or care. She just wants money. More money. Work for big companies, give your life away, trade away your dreams, slave away at a standard 9-5 job working on other people’s dreams.

Ugh. I get it that she’s trying to show some concern in what I’m doing, but honestly, she just fucking sucks at it. Everything that she says is demotivating, to the point where I don’t bother replying and talking much to her and I think she knows it. I can tell that she’s sad in her voice but I really don’t need this right now.

As she once said, if you’ve got nothing else better to say, don’t say it.

If this is how it ends, let's go out on fire.

I wanna feel my heart turned up so loud
Oh ooh oh
Like a Phoenix rising, never coming down
Oh ooh oh
Wrapped in this moment, I don't want to quit
Arms up to Heaven, cause if this is it
I wanna give it all,
I wanna give it now

If this is how it ends,
Let's go out on fire
Burning with your arms around me
Oh-oh oh,
When the lights go out
We'll know that we've lived
I want you to love me, baby
Love me like you never did
Won't you love me, yes
Love me like you never
Love me like you never did
Come on, love me, yes
Love me like you never
Love me like you never did

[instrumental break]

I know we've done a lot, but we can do much more
Oh ooh oh
Is there a side to you I've never seen before
Oh ooh oh
Wrapped in this moment, I don't want to quit
Arms up to Heaven, cause if this is it
I wanna give it all,
I wanna give it all.

If this is how it ends,
Let's go out on fire
Burning with your arms around me
Oh-oh oh
When the lights go out
We'll know that we've lived
I want you to love me, baby
Love me like you never did
Won't you love me, yes
Love me like you never
Love me like you never did
Come on, love me, yes
Love me like you never
Love me like you never did

[instrumental break]

It only take a word, a step, a start, to turn a wish into a work of art.

Could have been a landslide,
could have been a win win
Could have been a goldmine,
could have been our greatest hit.

If hindsight is 20/20,
then tell me what the hell is this.
Knowing we were meant to be,
but still too scared to dive in.

It only take a word, a step, a start,
to turn a wish into a work of art.
Everything we want feels so far away,
but we can reach out and touch it,
if we’re not afraid,
to take a chance, a leap of faith,
to give it all we got, to not lay safe,
or we can sit it out,
thinking what we've missed,
and the rest of our lives,
wondering "what if".

What if,
heya yeah yeah yeah,
what if, what if,
heya yeah yeah yeah

What if, what if
heya yeah yeah yeah
What if, what if
heya yeah yeah yeah

What If.

It may look like a long road,
you’ve been let down before.
I’ve been through it tenfold,
I’m not hiding anymore.
It's so lonely in the shadows,
I’m so tired of being alone.
I can see a light in you
that I want to get to know.

It only take a word, a step, a start,
to turn a wish into a work of art.
Everything we want feels so far away,
but we can reach out and touch it,
if we’re not afraid,
to take a chance, a leap of faith,
to give it all we got, to not lay safe,
or we can sit it out,
thinking what we've missed,
and the rest of our lives,
wondering "what if".

Disappointment.

People come and people go. Today to me feels like one of those days. People whom which you can defend and have their back, even to the point of straining your friendship with other people, can just so easily turn their back on you in a matter of seconds, and speak of it as if it was always the case. This of course, isn’t the first time that I’ve ever written in about these kinds of things. The last time however, was a long time ago, case in point Jackie Liu.

Today however, is the beginning of a new end. If that context has you bewildered, then perhaps I should make things easier. Tracy Loh has officially made it into my bitch book (not that I have one, but I have one now). She just wrote the most absurd shit to the group chat in which Denny is in, involving me, Christine and Alvin, and I have no intentions of overlooking it. Her biases within her writing is clear. With writings like “For obvious reasons, I don’t trust Yang and Alvin”, I think her words really don’t leave much for interpretation. What bothers me more is how Khen and ML both just follow blindly into it. Perhaps I can’t blame Khen, after all, his spine belongs to Tracy, so what was to be expected of him.

I accommodated her and her plans when she joined me and Denny’s more personal Yogya trip. I have fought with Hoie Chew and Fu Yao over them, defending her and her viewpoint more vehemently than the others, but perhaps I have been fighting for the wrong team; after all, is it not better to be with the foolish, but honest and trustworthy people, than be with the sly snakes that appear nice and innocent up front, yet wield the daggers that are as twisted as their soul behind their backs.

I am disappointed. I am absolutely disappointed with her, given everything that we’ve done together and shit. I expected better of her. I expected more of her. In that sense, I expected her to be a decent human being, perhaps beyond that, but it seems like she even finds it difficult to hit that benchmark. Of course, I’m not forgetting what Alvin has done to me in the past, but at this point, I find solace in mild confiding with him. Certainly I do not speak so ill of them to the point of coming up with silly excuses to go behind my reasoning; no, I make things very clear, whether I like you or dislike you, or the shit that you’re doing.

Whatever. If that’s how she wants to feel about us, stringing along vacuous and lame excuses while doing so, then so be it. I don’t need friends like this in my life, I don’t need people who propagate this kind of shit, needlessly finding some way to feel superior to others. Even her incessant bantering about Matt gets to me after a while. It’s not your life, deal with it, who cares.

Perhaps that’s all that she is though, a gossiping bitch.

Johor/ Singapore

Doing this bit of writing on my new laptop that I got myself… quite some time ago actually hahaha. I should have been writing in more often, but I haven’t really found the need to, until now maybe. I mean, to put things into better perspective, things have been going smoothly with life and shit, with the relationship oming along well and stuff, so there really hasn’t been any need to write in in that sense.

The reason of course for writing in today has to do more with the coming days; I’ll be moving down to Johor for about 2-3 months, as I join Steven’s company, and help lead it as their COO/ Programmer. They honestly haven’t been replying much at all, which has me just a bit worried, but I am pretty sure that the concerns aren’t justified, or at least I hope so.

I’ll still be coming back home every weekend, so nothing really changes in terms of my interactions with people, except that maybe I won’t be around during the weekdays to deal with people. Still, not bad so… Not really anything for concern.

Writing it in now at about 5am, because I ended up falling asleep way too early, and waking up in the middle of the night, cleaning up a bit, doing some reading, and obviously writing in now.

I’m trying to think whether I really have anything more to write in about that is of any concern. I guess, if anything, I got myself a new tripod because two of mine have been broken and isn’t that just a shame. I trusted the Nivelo tripod quite a bit, and it just failed spectacularly on me, so right now, I’m putting in more money on a tripod from China, but one that is made of carbon fiber, to hopefully give it a lot more life and rigidity, and hopefully as well it’s a lot more stable than the Nivelo :|

I think that’s pretty much it really. Abidul left the company today, and I say to him… Good for you. The company was going down anyway, so it wasn’t as if he was losing out on anything, in fact, I think that he’s granted himself quite a bit more salvation.

I think that’s it for me today. I might just try going back to sleep soon.

Cya bloggeh

Business business.

so… I got myself a new mechanical keyboard, and I’m actually typing on it now, testing out how it feels like under the fingers… I guess it’s kinda okay? but not really what I expected it to be XD I kinda wish that I did have a low profile gaming keyboard though, that new Tesoro Gram kinda looked cool in that respect XD but hey, I won’t complain.

I’ve actually been waiting a little to write into the blog, mainly because my keyboard has stopped being a pleasure to type onto (the SteelSeries Apex) with keys getting kinda stuck and irritating me. Today however, is a momentous day as I have finally moved to a mechanical keyboard, namely the Patriot Viper V760. I guess I gotta say that I’m not really all that used to typing on a mechanical keyboard yet, as the travel distance feels longer than the keyboards that I’m really used to typing on, but the good thing is that the actuation force is actually a lot lighter than the keyboards that I’m used to using, so it’s always quite a really fast affair typing on this keyboard, plus it glows RGB like a champ xD (that’s right folks, RGB gaming keyboard YAS).

How’re things in my life right now? well I can’t really say all that much. For starters, I don’t know if I’ve actually wrote this in before, but I stopped working at the past company already, and am trying to move on to run my own business unit; problem of course being that it’s kinda intimidating, and I don’t really know it very well, and people like my dad isn’t really a boatload of motivation to be honest >_>

Anyway, there’s a general thought and consensus of sorts that I might actually move to Johor to get some experience running businesses from someone like Wayne, who’s a closer friend to Steven than he is to me. I’m not too keen on running his business for him, because that feels kind of counter intuitive to me, but in that sense, it feels like I’ll be doing a bit more than running his business as well, which doesn’t feel all too bad… I don’t know though, I feel a bit torn on that. On the plus side though, he’s give me a paying job so it’s not as if I’ll be operating without any pay so it’s not all that bad…

I don’t really know if that’s the right thing to do though. I mean, it feels like the easy thing to do, but I really don’t know if it’s the path I want to go down or it’s the right thing to do… maybe it is and maybe I just have to bite the bullet and move across and you know… just learn from him and stuff, and that’s possibly maybe the only way that I can come up for myself in the future… maybe… there’s a good chance of that at least I think…

One of my biggest concerns would be how Christine feels about things as well, and I mean while I guess she’d prefer it if I was around, I don’t think that it sounds as if she really has any major complaints about anything if I ended up doing that… which is good of course, so the rest falls to me to pick up the slack and just go for it :|

I don’t know. Over the course of the next few days of course, I am going to spend more time thinking about it and all the things that I want to do with my life. It gives me free time to do what I want I guess, but it’s just one of the more scary things that I’ve done in a while, feeling like I’m really abandoning everything and moving forward, which is also one of the things that was talked about by Wayne yesterday… Man, I don’t know, but I’m feeling that the longer I think about it, it seems like the more logical choice in things… start thinking less like an employee and more like a businessman…

I should really try and get some sleep, I have a lot ahead of me tomorrow, and honestly I have quite a bit on my mind as well to try and sort out. I believe that not all the decisions we want are the ones we need, so I’m open to uncomfortable changes.

 

hamster off and out.

March 1st? NO, 30th February! XD

I was kinda supposed to write this before the 1st of March… but I kinda procastinated… and forgot that Feb this year is kinda short, so okay yeah, I missed both deadlines… >_> so sue me. I’ll still count it as a posting for February XD

I think that…. a lot of things have happened since I last posted onto here. For starters, I have a girlfriend now, yes, her name is Christine, and yes, we kinda took off quite fast XD it just worked what can I say. hahahhahaha. We’re quite happy with each other now, but the distance kinda kills me a little, given that I have to drive each time to Kajang… But I mean it’s worth it. There are those days where I just look at her smile, and be smitten by her hahahaha. She doesn’t know much of this but hey, I suspect that she would eventually read this blog post anyway XD

Let’s see… what else is ther apart from that… Well, you know that job I was talking about that was all so perfect and good and etc etc etc? yeah… I’m being let go XD Not because I’m not performing or anything… well… Actually that’s kind of true as well, but that’s because I don’t get any work to do at all! The damn system they have set up is such that I don’t have a proper team, I end up doing everything by myself for the most part as well, because all the designers are busy and they don’t have the time to spare for me… Heck, even someone like Yvonne to which I consider to be one of the closer people to me in the company, hasn’t got the time for me at all.

The good news is of course that I always wanted to quit anyway. I wasn’t going anywhere, there wasn’t any growth because of aforementioned stuff. They weren’t giving me enough, they weren’t serious about it, and I guess in many ways the company was bleeding money. 5 People aside from me have left just in between this Friday and Monday itself. They’re downscaling, and I can fully understand that so I don’t have any harsh feelings for them, I don’t think that I will have any for them anytime soon anyway.

I pushed in my resume before at Reed, one of those recruitment jobs websites, and for some reason, they picked me up, at least the Malaysian branch, and this lady, Leena Lee, feels very inclined to try and sell me off to a company to work under. I know I make it sound dirty, but I mean that’s basically what it really boils down to in the working world isn’t it. I’m going for an interview tomorrow, not sure what else they would like me to bring, but it’s just an interview so I don’t think that I’ll really need much aside from myself… maybe a photograph if they need one.

I’m thinking of whether I should really take anything like that up though. I am at this point where I feel like starting up my own company, and doing my own things. Yes, I know that it’s not going to be an easy life and it’ll involve a lot of work on my end, and the pay may not even be glorious or glamourous, but hey, it’s something that I enjoy doing, and to me, I’ll get the most growth this way. I am already talking to some of my friends to try and get the ball rolling on all of this, so I think it’ll pan out if I really stick to it and get it going.

Anyway, that’s a lot that I’ve written, and I don’t think that there’s really too much on my mind right now.. All that’s left is that I applied for a Xiaomi explorers program to be one of the reviewers to get their hands on the Xiaomi Redmi Note 3 Pro, and review it (I’m soooo hoping that I do get it!) and oh… I just had sex. Well, not just, more like yesterday… where my yesterday is more like Sunday and not like Monday XD

That’s all from me, peace out.

 

P.S. I like typing, but my steelseries keyboard doesn’t really facilitate for a nice typing experience… I feel like getting a mechanical keyboard hahahaha

hamsteyr off and out.

Hello 2016

As quick as 2015 started, it has ended, and now we’re in the year of 2016. It’s supposed to be a good year for me, the Fire Rabbit, so yeah, I’m kinda being hopeful through the whole year itself for good things to happen.

I had an interesting start to 2016 though. I had myself a date with Christine. In many ways, I think that she’s a nice girl, and that we have a lot in common, but I don’t really feel anything strong just yet, and I start to wonder if this is all that normal. Maybe it is though, rather than all the super exciting things that I’ve come to expect from a relationhip. I think in that sense this should be the normal I’m looking for.

I do start to wonder as well if a lot of this has something to do with the fact that I started using the hair tonic solution. I say this because of the side effects of said solution, in which it reallly does hamper my libido hahaha. I thought it was just funny to begin with, but in the months that I’ve been using it, I really look at girls more in that human manner rather than anything else. I don’t know what turns me on or excites me anymore and I guess while that’s great for doing work and staying focused, it’s bad if I’m trying to look for girls… Though on the flip side I have to say that I’ve been attracting girls even thne… so maybe it kinda works weirdly…

but in the end who really knows. I mean, if you ask me, I think that when I first met her in that meeting, I felt myself skip a little so… maybe that’s a good sign for a lot of things. In many ways something I do think to myself that she may not exactly be what I want, but she may be more along the lines of what I need. I don’t know though. Maybe things will become clearer to me once I start to get off this hair tonic XD hahahaha

That aside, 2016 has been quite a fun year I guess. I mean, I managed to separate an LCD from a glass panel for the first time too! I know I’ve been fixing phones for quite some time now, but only now did I find a way to do it properly and successfully, did I manage to find a way to balance out the heat and the technique, and did I realise that it was actually way better for me to work from the phone itself, removing the glass, rather than removing the whole piece and working on it separately. Heck, even the controlled distruction paid of quite well I felt, so yeah, am I happy? damn right I am. the only other problem is of course… the worst has tet to come. This is just the beginning of the process, as now we have to deal with the glass on the body, and getting this guy right is not easy.

Anyway, I have to head off to work tomorrow, so I’ll end it here. Things between me and her are coming along swimmingly so… lets just see how that pans out.

hamster off and out