I think that I have somewhat figured it out... at least to an extent... I am someone who thrives on at least a little bit of control and lately... I think I feel like my life is just spiraling out of control, like I'm just not in control of things anymore.
I think that a lot of this has to do with being a family man tbh. Not saying that it's a bad thing, I wouldn't have it any other way, but being a family man means that I have less and less time for myself to complete and do things, and this... this has just meant that I haven't been able to do or complete the tasks and projects that I set to myself, and I think that it's somewhat reached the point at which I'm really taking in more and more things than I can handle, because they're really not getting completed fast enough.
Like I can walk by the house, and I just get distracted so easily with other things to do every few minutes or even seconds tbh. Like oh yeah I wanted to do this, oh supposed to do that, oh supposed to complete this, and there's just been so much of this and just me struggling to complete them so that I slowly clear my mountain of things, but I think that I'm just getting buried underneath it a little, and it's definitely taking a mental toll on me.
This ADHD almost behaviour that I've taken adapted has made me quite forgetful and absent minded at time, or just lack the focus to complete or do things to the end, because my mind is just racing all over the place, trying to multi task and do all the things and just getting lost in it.
It's causing me a lot of stress and anxiety not going to lie and it's some thing that I really need to learn to take control over, sooner rather than later.
Like even right now, I don't even want to start to think about the things that I have to do/ want to do. I think Just trying it right just now for a few seconds has made me feel my stress and anxiety increase, some thing that I don't want to happen right now because I'm enjoying the relaxing nature of just letting it all out and talking about it but not really thinking about it.I know that a lot of thigs is really my fault, and it's just the nature of who I am, but yeah, I have to figure out how to resolve this.
I think that the best thing that I can do right now is really try my best to write it all down, down to the little-est thing. At least if I really try my best to REALLY list it all down and complete it, I might not feel so overwhelmed, as I can see the tasks ahead right in front of me and can choose the order in which I want to tackle them.
Perhaps then will I start my journey back to getting some inner peace; something I really haven't had in a while.
