No Air

Jordin Sparks ft Chris Brown - No Air (Jason Nevins Remix)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?

If I should die before I wake

It's 'cause you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave

My heart won't move, it's incomplete

Wish there was a way that I could make you understand

But how do you expect me

To live alone with just me?

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon'be without me

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew

Right off the ground to float to you

With no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside

You took my breath but I survived

I don't know how but I don't even care

So how do you expect me

To live alone with just me?

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon'be without me

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No more

Baby

There's no air, no air

No air, oh!

Tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon'be without me

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

(No air)

(No air)

(No air)

(No air)

Tell me how i'm supposed to breathe with no air?

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

There's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon'be without me

If you ain't here I just can't breathe

There's no air, no air

No air, air

No air, air

No air, air

No air

Eek...?

Hi blog. Just got hit by a virus. Reformatted. Lol... In other random
news... I had a strange dream today... I dreamt that I was on an
airplane... I was travelling back to malaysia, then I blacked out. The
instant I woke up I found myself in a girl's body. Strange. I looked
at myself and I looked at about 14 odd years of age...? Westerner...
Was on plane too. Cept not on the same plane. Was heading towards the
united states too. >_< after I landed into the airport of... Whatever
that airport was, I went straight into the toilets and to just wake
myself up from what was going on. Doing so I noticed I was being
followed by a middle aged man. I went into the cubicles and hid there,
but he kept coming at me, even into the ladies toilet. Next thing I
know I was being harassed while trying to retaliate... Black flash and
i'm back in the plane as my normal self, then I wake up. Was a pretty
scary dream... The kind dealing with pedophiles, futility,
desperation, powerlessness and... Just plain sick. Why the hell I
dreamt it I don't know. Creeps me out thinking of that guy... >_<

--
Sent from my mobile device

Insecurities

Hello there bloggy :o Don't get me wrong, this blog post is not meant to talk about my insecurities or rant about my displeases or anything but rather a personal study of mine on insecurities and the psychological effects of the mind O_o Its interesting to begin with. Insecurities, weakness, flaws. In my eyes, once one witnesses his own shortcomings, it is easier to combat them, and sometimes they may yield interesting signs. Its amusing how i can get insecurities that make me dream such vivid dreams, that i still remember hours after awakening. Rather than allowing myself into being daunted by these dreams, i look at them and i laugh. This is what i dream because of my insecurities. It really is interesting, because the psychological effects of that dream are so strong and so vivid part of my brain perhaps believes that its real, however if i start decompiling and de-constructing the scene and analyse it, you can see that its nothing more than just a dream. The bits and pieces that don't make sense, parts that shouldn't be there, the leading up to events that just can't happen without anything prior happening before hand.

Its amusing how up until now part of my brain is still putting thought into it, allowing it to linger within my mind, though however I've managed to quarantine that segment of my cerebral mindset and just study its effects on my personal behaviour, thought and emotions. I find it intriguing. Still, its not good to have insecurities such as these, where the most absurd of situations are made and somehow i am close to believing them. What a foolish act. Well, now that at least i know what's tearing and wreaking havoc on my turbulent soul, i can start working on remedies to overcome the matter. Still, amused.

Psychoanalyst Hamster,

Signing out. 

P.S. I'm late for a meeting. Silly me. Oh, and I love you hamster. XD

<3

I love my hamster. I love my hamster so much. Full stop. End of story.
Hamster out. XD

--
Sent from my mobile device

RANT RANT RANT

HMMMMMMMM... as i thought it still bothers me. A part of me somewhat dies and gets sad when i hear that she might be going to the US or the UK, places that are just really far away from me and make communications between us extremely difficult. I think part of me has that inferiority complex which doesn't really work to my advantage. I'm on that mindset sometimes where i'm not really up to par to what she is and things can go south easily because of that.... even more so if there is this massive distance between us. Makes me sad on the inside and it just kills me thinking about it. At the moment i can handle the australia -> malaysia distance. While i intend to continue with it no matter what happens, i start to doubt the Australia -> UK link.. i mean... its far... its really far. Distance is not really the issue now though, but more of like the time zone difference. 

Ah... Just got off talking to her on msn <3 I feel so... high now >_< god she really does make me smile... Following up what i said up top, i guess no matter what happens i'll still be up to the fight of making her mine :x i don't think its something that can change that easily anyway... because thats just the kind of person that i am... AU would be nice.. it would be so nice, but even if that didn't work out... well... i'll still try and stay strong... :D

I love you baby :3

Hmm

Well... Okay, I admit it, i'm still strung up that she can't join me
here in aus. I'm pretty sure thats whats causing me to make my biased,
harsh and partial comments. :x I guess deep down I still want her here
with me and its causing me this pain to know there is this
impenetrable distance between us... That little bit of hope I get is
dashed so easily then as soon as I get over it, i'm reminded again
that i'm looking at 12 hour time zone differences and holidays that
don't fall on the same time at each other. I guess in that sense i'm
afraid of this distance. I'm still going to play it strong and ride it
out, but this awareness of the distance between up worries me to no
end. Its one thing to be optimistic, but one has to see the reality of
the situation. I'm practically looking at two sides of the spectrum
here... On one end, I get to see her often if she's here, things work
well in that sense, I get to spend my time with her, she gets the good
education she needs and wants, we're both happy. On the other end, she
goes, communication only gets more and more difficult, time zone makes
a fool of us all, and thats at least another 4 years on top. 4 years
where anything can happen and the feeling of being powerless sits in
again. Yes blog, I think i'm being selfish in this sense... I've
always told her i'd be behind her whatever she chooses, but at what
cost... If i'm allowed to be selfish, then I want to say, come with
me. Come with me to australia and we can spend more hours and days
together. But I won't say it. I know she reads this blog but I won't
say it. Last thing I want to do is hold her down from success, so I
won't do it even if it costs happiness... Maybe i'm just shocked with
myself at how I didn't realise I was masking my own wants under the
skin of care, or being unbiased... Sigh. I really love her. What the
hell do I do.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Anger Management?

Frustration. Rage. Mainly frustration. Why you ask? well its something to do with the UK really >_> I despise how people can have that preconceived notion that the UK is just a tier better at education as opposed to  Australia. It makes me feel like like like... i'm just here because i can't get into the UK which is totally not the case.


In the past, i would've understand that. 2-3 generations in to the past, the UK was the pinnacle of education and where you were to send your offsprings did you want them to have a good head start in life. While that may not be the case now in this day and age, with plenty of other countries catching up and have caught up already, i'm somewhat angered by the fact that people are still caught in that mindset.


Truth into the matter is that a graduate from both the UK and Australia would have the same equal chance of employment as opposed to as it was in the past. In fact, Australia is quite renowned for churning out high level engineers, while as for me i can't think of much for the UK. When is the last time the UK had a good engineering university. Name me a brand originating from the United Kingdom these days which is flourishing in business and is doing well. Not much and most of them died out already. Most of the what used to be premium companies have either been sold out or have died out. They've either been overtaken by the Germans, the Japanese or the Koreans... not to mention a few Chinese companies here and there.


If you ask me, then i see education in the UK just as a namesake and a bragging right thing, or possibly to stroke that own personal ego, but at what cost? The exchange rate today of the UK is about 5.02 MYR to 1 GBP compared to Australia's 3.02 MYR to 1 AUD. Might not seem like big numbers at first, but then you take into consideration things like living costs in the United Kingdom, which is quite substantially higher than that in Australia, coupled with education fees, not to mention travel fees going back and forth and time taken. When it comes down to it what does it really matter?


Okay so lets recount. Living in UK is higher, Education is more expensive, Travel is more expensive, Time taken to travel there is higher (based on travel time from Malaysia) All for what? Nothing substantial or practical you can really find. In the end its that bragging rights of the "OH I STUDIED IN THE UK!~ HOW ABOUT YOU? AUSTRALIA? I SEE...."


Now it sounds like i have a rage against the UK specifically lol >_< its not like that... neither was it supposed to be like that... I don't know... Whatever... I don't know how much my words actually matter anymore. I was to give up and just let things take their path and watch people do things that i would rather have done otherwise. Possibly its to do with this Personality/ Career test i did before. -_-


------------
INTJs’ precision thinking and need for accuracy causes them to be inflexible at times. Having thought out a strategy, the INTJ may stubbornly disregard those who they think have not spent as much time reflecting on an idea as they have. This, along with their drive to produce something significant, can make them demanding and difficult. If their plans and solutions fall short of their high standards, INTJ's feel pressured — as if everything is on the line. "Everything," for an INTJ, is the competence and ability to produce something significant. Fear of not living up to this expectation will increase their stress and possibly dissuade them from risking or trying out their ideas. They may then find themselves thinking about ideas that do not have a meaningful or productive end.

When stress increases, the INTJ can become argumentative and disagreeable. Social interaction, which is not their strength, becomes increasingly difficult for them. Not trusting their own abilities, they become preoccupied with obsessive notions. The INTJ may then find themselves spending an inordinate amount of time fighting horrible thoughts, tempting absurdities, and feelings of worthlessness. Fearful of others recognizing their perceived failure, the INTJ incessantly ruminates about mistakes, inadequacies, weaknesses, ineptness, and incompetence. Because this distracts them from risking what little confidence they may have left in themselves, it therefore keeps them from obtaining the success and achievement they so desperately need.
Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

management consultant
economist
scientist
computer programmer
environmental planner
new business developer
curriculum designer
administrator
mathematician
psychologist
neurologist
biomedical researcher
strategic planner
civil engineer
intellectual properties attorney
designer
editor/art director
inventor
informational-graphics...designer
financial planner
judge
-------


Probably the first few lines would explain my rage maybe. -_- lol blah. I should sleep now. I have a graduation to attend in the morning and possibly some partying to do at night -_- 


Signing out,
Rageful Hamster, Yang.


EDIT: Don't take the rage too seriously. I know there are good universities in London, i'm just full of rage. -_- Not a personal take out on london or its universities >_> I think i'm just in a very unstable point at the moment. There are about 3 odd universities which outrank Australia's best, but mind you not by a whole lot. Those are Cambridge, Imperial College (Now i wish i went there instead LOL) and Oxford. Mind you this is for engineering only >_>. Needless to say MIT is up top (Hi Sheldon xD)


Bah, do whatever.

Conform.

Conformity. To adhere to a certain thing perhaps...? To stick by the
norm by all means. I can't remember the last time I gave a rats arse
about adhering to the norm by society's standards. I'm who I am, take
it or leave it. Thats how I live, but todays post isn't really about
me. You know, sometimes I can't understand why people stick to the
norm. To do something because everyone else is doing it. To want
something because everyone wants it. To think something because
everyone thinks it. If we wanted to do all that we might as well be
identityless, faceless, monotonous creatures, unable to differentiate
one from another with a bag over the head. In the end by following
trend or the norm, are you happy as an individual? Is that what you
really wanted to do? Or has it always been you accomplishing the
desires of others, adopting their dreams as your own without personal
realisation of one's own desires or wants. I don't even know where i'm
getting with this anymore. Sigh. Do something, not because you were
told to, but because you generally want to. Remember as well that one
man's meat is another man's poison. What others may find enjoyable may
not necessarily apply to yourself. Doubt words. Ask questions. Seek
the truth, discover yourself. Experience epiphany.

On a random note, i'm considering finishing my engineering degree in
my foreseeable future. Don't know why, but maybe coz I want to see it
to the end, knowing that its something where part of my interests
still lie in and how I don't like to leave things unfinished. More
goals. Yum. :D

--
Sent from my mobile device

Testy. P:

Career Inventory Test Results Extroversion ||||||||||||||| 46% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 83% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 73% Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 73% Inquisitiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 83% You are a Guide, possible professions include - career counselor, psychologist, educational consultant, special education teacher, librarian, artist, playwright, novelist/poet, editor/art director, information-graphics, designer, HRM manager, merchandise planner, environmental lawyer, marketer, job analyst, mental health counselor, dietitian/nutritionist, research, educational consultant, architects, interpreter/translator.

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

An interesting test :D hahahah psychologist sounds fun. XD so does being a teacher or career counselor o_o... oh well D: at the moment i'm just that information graphics/ designer lol

Hmm...

So... Okay. Its been a while since i've been back into australia. I've
been trying to preoccupy my mind with plenty of things, but when it
comes down to it, I guess I still miss her. Its not as bad as it was
before but its definitely still there. If you had to give it a
ranking, then I guess you could say that i'm coping well with all of
this. Though maybe sometimes I wonder if I should miss more, or
something like that. Again, maybe because I know that it's just 3
months that I can be so calm about it. The notion of bein able to see
her not long after is giving me this sense of tranquility I guess. Oh
well... I guess the love has become a bit more stable now. :x Doesn't
change that I miss her though... Oh well... :O

--
Sent from my mobile device

Australia D:

Day 1. I are in australia now, updating blogs through my phone. Bit in
horrible shape since I found the flight murderous... :x time now is
only about 7:30 in malaysia... I wonder how she's doing and how her
day has been... I guess I take even these kind of things for
granted... I am used to hearing her voice at least once per day and
now I feel kind of empty without it... >_< if there is one thing that
has been burnt vividly into my thoughts, it would be that of her
crying face when I had to go, and the stream of tears that never
seemed to end... I love you baby... And I miss you.

I love how she gave me photo frame of us... Day 1

--
Sent from my mobile device

Tick Tock Tick Tock.

Less than 24 hours to go. The truth is sinking in. The denial is fading away and the reality is sinking in. I'm leaving back to australia again aren't i? >_> Partly excited partly dreaded... I really don't know which to side, and i don't think i want to take a side. I remind myself each day that i need to go back and its all done for the better of things. Its for that future i dream of its for that future that i want and... its for our future. Its for our bright future where i don't have to worry about food on the table, or when the next paycheck is coming if any at all. Its for the future where i can proudly say that i can get you whatever you wish for... as long as its within reason of course -.-

Yes, part of me knows, going back to australia is going to be an exciting experience. Hopping back into full steam on my projects from too long a break, working non stop and feeling accomplished. The kind of feeling i enjoy so much... Yet... Everytime i hear her voice saying "Why do you have to go" or "Do you really have to go" or maybe even things like "Do you think we can survive LDR?" brings me right back down onto my knees and destroys all that positive thinking. I really don't want to leave her like this, and i really feel horrible for doing so >.> If i had the opportunity to spend more time with her i would, but i can't... not now. I'm already late for my term. I started 1st of march >_< i'll be coming in on the 3rd right after classes so i'll be able to go for only thursday then next is on tuesday >_>

In a way missing her is a good thing right? >_< shows how important she is to me as a person. :x Man... i hope i really do well this semester and not just try and ride it out awaiting for her return >_> 

I love you hamster. Sorry i have to go.

String of thoughts.

I'm happy i managed to make up with her already for my own mistakes... really i am. Now that tomorrow is already the date in which i'm leaving back to australia, a few things have somewhat got me thinking >_> am i a possessive person? am i a jealous person? i guess the answer to both of that would be yes. Quite a few people have asked her to go jogging with her, and to go hiking with her, that sort of thing. Don't get me wrong blog, i trust her, i do. Its just that i don't trust them.

My girl comes from a small city, and a good one for that matter. I sometimes get a bit worried how street smart she is now that she's in KL, as KL being described as a safe place would quite a laughable remark. What i'm saying is that I worry for her safety in so many things. So many cases out there of girls trusting this one guy, then they take her on a hell ride and do all sorts of inexplicable things to her, and even sometimes murder. I'm paranoid like that, yes, but better to be safe than sorry right? So when i get asked things like "Can i go out jogging with A, he's just a friend", i think the part that worries me the most is that word he's just a friend, or maybe even an acquaintance. Not someone whom i can fully trust like her good friends or what not. Too many times i read about cases where trust is abandoned and taken advantage of. Too many kinds of guys out there are looking for a cheap thrill with girls, and like hell i'm going to allow my girl to be one of them...

But... In the end even with all that said and done, I will be away... Not in the country as in. If anything goes wrong how will i protect her? I worry for her safety like mad. Not that i don't allow her to coerce with other guys and the like, but i doubt the integrities of other guys and their motives/ intention. I'd rather assume them to be enemies rather than allies who will keep my girl happy while i'm gone.

Don't even get me started with Mt Kinabalu >_> Its a trip with another guy, on a flight, just the both of them, hiking up a mountain, where anything can happen. Did i mention just the two of them? If it was a group then i say hey, if your parents agree, and if you trust these people, then do what you want, just play it safe and enjoy yourself. This however, is not something i can really give my consent to.

I worry too much sometimes, and i hope i am worrying about the more important things rather than the stupid and the futile. These worries make sense don't they? >_<

On a side note, what happens when she's depressed, in despair and down when i leave? what happens when a nice guy pops his head in and shows her a little compassion and she grows attached to it... I understand that I should trust her in this, in that she only wants me, but the human emotion is a fickle one isn't it? Isn't that why we fall in love without our own intention of doing so?

So summed up, all i can do is trust. Trust trust trust trust. I trust in myself because i know i'm a very devout person... but... I shouldn't say more. Even myself i am that human with fickle emotions, though i realise it so. Because i realise it i can control it and i can suppress it, plus i'm a person of quite a few strong moral values, one of which one girl for life and the other being NEVER EVER BE UNFAITHFUL. I practice these like creed i live by and if it comes down to it, i'll die protecting them.

Sigh, i love my baby so much... so can someone reassure me its because of this that i have my own doubts? or is it just my insecurities playing up...

Hamster out.