I have had it. Totally. I just screamed at my mother just now. I know that i shouldn't have, and i know that its disrespectful, but it was the last straw in her pile of bullshit. She has long enough made me oppressed to everything. She's probably gonna put blame on my attitude towards either computer games or Australia. Another pile of bullshit. I've become australian my ass.
I'll tell you why i did everything. First off, the internet connection these days were being unstable and really crappy due to the constant rainy season. She comes bursting into the room asking why the internet wasn't working, shouting at me, saying that the computer is crap and everything. Thats one.
Next, she blames my brother for the printer which was acting weird and printing out some stuff. I watched him the entire time he was back here and i knew it wasn't his fault, but she keeps blaming him, and then me, claiming that we wreck the house or what not bullshit. No 2
I have had it with her constant lack of respect for me. She asks for me to respect her but i get none in return. Its a selfish one way trade. Everything is because of me. Every ill fate is because of me. ME ME ME. I don't get it. Ever since i was a kid, how was it my fault that your favourite comb broke? how do you expect me to respect you when you weren't there when i needed you the most as a child? you were always not home, out with your friends, out drinking, going to pubs. It pissed me off seriously. Worst of all, you weren't there when i had a high fever as a kid. Only my father was there to take care of me, while you were out clubbing. No 3
God i can't believe i'm crying now. I'm doing the worst ever sin that ever a son could do to their parents. Hate them. But its the truth, and i can see why i do. Its not as if i don't have a logical explaination to why i do it. She likes blaming me for everything and saying lots of bullshit. She starts saying how all my friends hate me because i'm stupid, parent's hate me coz i'm so rude, how every other friend of mine was doing well, and i was to only loser amongst them all. She pisses me off. its my fact of life. I don't care how much you're going to say its wrong, but its the truth i live by. I hate her. no, that doesn't even do justice. I LOATHE HER.
Anyway, as for my studies and my initial stay to do 2 years in Malaysia, F**K that. I don't want to stay any longer with her. Its already been a couple of months and the tensions are high, i don't even want to think 2 years. I'm going to re-apply for UniSA in South Australia and get myself the F**K out of here by July. At least they should have a july intake... God save me.
Che, if you're reading this, its whats going on back home. I don't hate life her, not at all, i just loathe whats going on around me. So much bullshit in the air i just want to get out... I hope you understand how i feel about this. It F**Ks me off.
As for the other people reading this...? well, now you know why i'm always so stressed. Its not about the exams, its not about the peer pressure, its not about the bullying, its not about anything else. Its about my parents. No, more specifically, its about my mother. I'm just overflowing with hate right now,
HaMz signing out from my new Gmail account.
EDIT: Do you know why i went to australia in the first place? to be frank it was to get away from my mother. Do you know when was the happiest time in my life? when she went away to europe for a month or so. Blissful
