4 Months led up to this. In many ways the outcome is not unexpected. One could say that the reason for the nervousness was precisely because of this. If anything it just reaffirms what I've already somewhat known would happen, the early onset of trouble, exacerbated by the pandemic, perhaps to not much surprise either.
It's difficult to draw right from wrong; there are none. Both sides have valid arguments to their points, and to invalidate one is to invalidate their feelings. In the end, I have no answers, at least not just yet, and maybe it's foolhardy of me to expect answers within the first few hours; no, situations like these aren't ones that are solved in a day. If such a complex web of fuckery took just as long to set itself up, surely it's not that much of a small issue so as to be able to be unraveled within a day.
Doing nothing is also not really an option. As someone who has gotten quite good at projecting and forecasting outcomes, I know how bad things can turn out if not handled properly. To no obvious surprise then, the last thing I want for my daughter is to grow up within the fuckery, so it'd be pertinent of me to try and resolve the issue to the best that I can, while she still isn't really able to grasp the complexities of interrelationships.
Sigh.
In the end what is it do I do though.
Mom's attitude is one that while I obviously do not approve of, is something that I've gotten very much used to ignoring and not taking to heart for the most part, but it's of course not easy for me to expect the same of someone else; She can be very crass and brutish and bitch-ish I know, and I don't deny it.
On the other I do feel that it would be beneficial for Christine to learn how to grow a thicker skin; if not for dealing with my mom, then dealing with people in the future. Reduce the amounts that words affect you, learn to tune out and just don't be bothered too much by the words of others. Of course, easier said than done. This is something that I've honed over the last few decades of my life, and to expect someone to be able to do it effectively is silly.
The third factor has of course got something to do with Rei herself. I don't want her growing up in an environment in which she learns all the wrong kinds of habits from her grandparents. They have their points and they mean well for the most part, but just as with every other person, they're not perfect, and they have their share of toxicity.
The end result still might have more to do with family confrontation, but who knows if it'll even make any difference in the end; it might just be all for naught.
To no obvious extent something like this puts a dent in my mental health. It makes me feel as if x y z was avoidable had things been different on the financial front, that all of this would not be an issue had I had enough money, but the amounts that I would have needed is no small sum either; houses aren't exactly the cheapest thing in the world.
Still, it does make me feel very powerless within this situation, with not much right going for on at the moment, with me hoping that my big break would come sooner than later, with me hoping that Malaysia would get it's fucking act together and deal with this pandemic, both government and rakyat.
It feels like riding a storm. This uneasy feeling sitting within my gut, so long as I do not find the most amicable outcome.
One way or another though, something tells me that conflict is really going to be unavoidable.
I really do hope for the best, if not for me, then my daugther.
The last thing I'd want for her is to grow up in a broken family.
